Geek Christmas Cookies

For Christmas, my wife and I made gingerbread cookies with the kids.
Of course, we're not your typical family, so of course I had to make a "Christmas-Cthulhu", and the wife made a beholder and longsword. Here are the results:


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"That is not dead which can eternal bake at 350 degrees..."


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A "behol-dough".


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Add some coloring and marshmallow googly eyes...


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The happiest beholder ever.


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That's a +1 short sword of yumminess.


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Shouting the incantation to awaken the beast. Ia! Ia! R'lycious!


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The best part.

The ‘Oughties’ Are Over.

And so begins a new decade. Over the past ten years, horror has made sort of a resurgence with “smart, witty teenage slashers, like SCREAM and I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER. Then, our favorite genre had a recession. Then, another comeback, via PG-13 retellings of Japanese flicks, like THE RING, THE GRUDGE, and THE PULSE. After that brief period, Horror returned again with a new sub-genre, dubbed ‘Torture Porn, with films like HOSTEL, SAW, and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS’. Next in line, the era of the remake reared its ugly head (and to my disdain, still has not left). “Reboots” of films like TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE, FRIDAY THE 13th, and LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT are cashing in at the box office, charging you double to relive your childhood. While some were good (MY BLOODY VALENTINE, DAWN OF THE DEAD), some were atrocious (PROM NIGHT, SORORITY ROW), and some were virtually invisible to radar (CHILDREN OF THE CORN, THE HITCHER).

What surprised me, is the fact that there were only two 3-D horror films released (to my knowledge): MY BLOODY VALENTINE, and THE FINAL DESTINATION. Right now, the family movie industry is dominating that market. I recall the year of 1983 having FRIDAY THE 13th, JAWS, and AMITYVILLE made me wear those special glasses in the theater. Later, even Freddy gave it a try in the ‘90s. I realize that there are a slew of them slated for 2010, and a few of them I am looking forward to, like PIRANHA.

This is not to say that there weren’t some legitimately original horror movies, though. Sam Raimi decided to return to his horror roots (albeit a PG-13 one), with DRAG ME TO HELL. I have not seen it yet, but it is on my pile 0f “to watch” DVDs. I really think it’s the rating that turns me off, even though I have the supposed ‘unrated’ version. From what I’m hearing, it’s a very hard PG, as was the case in POLTERGEIST and JAWS.

Another was BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON. This horror/comedy was one of my favorite films of the decade. Part THIS IS SPINAL TAP, part HALLOWEEN, with cameos by Robert Englun and Kane Hodder. I know it sounds like a weird combination, but trust me. If you have not seen this gem yet, put it at the very top of your Netflix queue. You will thank me for it.

FEAST was made by a Project Greenlight winner, and it was a fun little gorefest which reminded me of TREMORS. I have not seen either of the two sequels yet, but I hear that it’s a good thing.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD put Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg on the map, with their brilliant horror/comedy/zombie/romance which made everyone’s favorite list.

DISTRICT 9 was more sci-fi than horror, but its underlying message and excellent special effects really made a lot of people take notice of Peter Jackson’s protégé, Neil L. Blomkamp.

Either you loved it or hated it, you have to admit that the viral marketing of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY really did the job. The little no-budget sppokshow made more money theatrically than most big Hollywood offerings, playing in fewer theaters.

Uwe Boll made infamy by translating video games into cinematic abortions. Movies like HOUSE OF THE DEAD, ALONE IN THE DARK, and two BLOODRAYNE films were hated by people who loved video games, horror movies, or both. I will admit that I did love one of his films, POSTAL, but it is not considered horror.

I’m saving my favorite for last. A little low budget horror anthology which was made in 2006 and was slated for release in 2007. After only a handful of screenings across the country, no distributor picked it up, and did not see release until October 2009. That movie is TRICK ‘R TREAT. With stars like Brian Cox, Ana Paquin, and Dylan Baker, wonderful cinematography, creepy atmosphere, and stories which are well-written and intertwined, this is my pick of horror movie of the decade. This one really reminded me of the old issues of EC Comics, Eerie, Creepy, and House of Mystery.

So here’s to hoping that the next decade will bring more newer concepts to the horror industry, and that we’ll soon see a decrease in the industry thinking we need remakes of everything that’s already been done.

Cheers!

D&D 4th Edition

Playing With Your Food

Last night, the wife and I decided to have Maine lobster for dinner for the first time since we've been up here.

We carefully chose our delicious victim, and brought it home. The kids decided that they wanted to pet and play with it, and the wife named it "Rocky".


Meet Rocky, the newest (albeit temporary) member of our family.

Upon further inspection, we found out that Rocky was actually a female. Of course, we had to pose for pictures with her!


High five!


Kisses.


This is Rocky's impression of a face-hugger from Alien!


My pal. Note she has her arm around me neck.


Ouch! She got my finger! Just kidding...


Rocky loves D&D too. Uh, oh. Surrounded by bad guys!


She wastes no time and gets initiative. Good move, Rocky!


The bad guys try to flank her.


"Look out! They're trying to flank you!"


The bad guys forget Rocky's 15' reach. Didn't they ever play Temple of Elemental Evil?


The wife and I make a friendly wager on the outcome.


Next she goes straight for the beholder.


She beat them all!


I can make a career out of this. Maybe we can do this professionally.


Wait, what's this?


Uh oh. She gets surprised by dragons!


She studies her adversaries carefully...


And moves in for the kill.


The dragon retaliates with a surge of fire breath.


Hot fiery death ends this game.


"Oh, noooo!"


"Bet against me, will ya?"


Next, Rocky had a tarot reading. And the future holds...


"Shit."


By now, I'm getting very hungry, and she's looking very yummy.


Rocky, after her sauna.


My, that's a pretty bad sunburn, Rocky. Let me lather you up in melted butter...


"What?"


Rocky gave her life, so that I may know how delicious hers was.
Bill 2008

Winterness

We got another foot and a half of snow Sunday, as I was at SnowCon, and Yesterday before work, I got to take the kids out sledding down a big hill in the park for the first time. They had a blast, and wore them all out.

I am reading Stephen King's Cell (is it weird that I'm reading it stamped with Bangor Public Library, while working at a cell phone company?). Anyway, I realize that Eli Roth is making the film version, and I think I'd like to audition for the role of Tom.

Orion's 3rd birthday is Saturday, the 31st, and after work, we are going to a friend's house to celebrate. I'm thinking of getting a giant Whoopie Pie cake from the Franciscan Monks' bakery...

I was saddened to learn of the deaths of Ricardo Montelban and Patrick McGoohan. Mr. Roarke/Khan Noonien Singh and Number 6/Longshanks are gone...

My internet has been pretty fickle of late, coming and going as it pleases, but I am looking into getting a dedicated line along with a house phone. Now, to choose which company to go through!

I've been playing a lot of games lately, like Munchkin, Munchkin Quest, Killer Bunnies, Settlers of Catan, and Carcassonne.

Best Link Ever

I stumbled upon this link from BoardGameGeek.Com which directs you to abandon/freeware/shareware versions of board games you know and love (and tons you never heard of!). Check it out HERE.



Ragdoll Cannon

I don't know why THIS is so fun, but it is!

Kiss Hank's Ass

If you haven't already, read THIS METAPHOR.



Hasta